If you don’t know who Robert Gordon is, you’re not living.

Oh. My. God. I thought yesterday was bad. There’s not actually going to be any walking today…

My near-death-experience “vacation”

What was SUPPOSED to happen: So, since it’s Memorial Day Weekend, my sister decides we’re going to book a cabin for us. It’s only like two hours away and I was super excited. Then, I figure out said cabin doesn’t have indoor plumbing, no water, no electricity, is a SHARED cabin, and you have to walk half a mile with all of your shit just to get there. Kind of crapy, but no big deal, right?

What ACTUALLY happened: First the directions are really really REALLY horrible, so it takes us three hours to get “there.” Then, when we’re on the last road, it’s BLOCKED OFF for no reason whatsoever. There’s a trailhead there as well, and on the sign (and in our printout confirmation) it said that it was a two-and-a-half mile hike to our cabin. At this point we’re like, well fuck. We have four sleeping bags, four pillows, a bag of clothes each, a thing of food, PLUS all of the pots and pans, since we’d have to cook outside. It would obviously be impossible to lug all of that shit up there, so we throw out half our clothes and only bring the food that didn’t need cooked.
Lucky for me, I ended up with a pillow and sleeping bag, and ALL THE FOOD STUFFED IN A ONE-STRAP GYM BAG. It weighed at least thrity pounds and it was all one one shoulder the whole way! Plus, my sleeping bag kept getting unraveled. So we lug all this shit STRAIGHT UP and then we come to a sign that says it’s THREE MORE MILES to the cabin. Yeah, what a lying sign. So we kept going because we’re stupid, but by this time, my already sprained ankle was throbbing.
Then, we make it probably four miles with extreme elevation and we get to a patch of snow. No big deal. We hike through it.Then we come to ANOTHER one that is literally a sheer cliff covered in the iciest and most slippery snow ever. It was extremely dangerous, but we’re so damn stupid that we just kept going. Until at one point, I literally slid aaallll the way off the cliff and hit the ONLY snow pile. If I would have been three inches over, I would have fell hundreds of feet. And I’m not even kidding. So my ankle was completely fucked at this point, but at least I was still alive. Then we had to hike BACK DOWN all of those four miles with a severely sprained ankle in the pitch dark down that same sheer cliff. It was seriously the worst pain I have ever felt, especially since I had to keep going and going and going. Plus, this time it was downhill and that’s just horrible on ankles. So pretty much, we paid 120 bucks to stay in a cabin that is literally impossible to get to. Farther up from where we were it gets even steeper!

When we FINALLY got back to the car, everyone decided that we should just go home and not stay in a hotel (except me). And with the mix of being severely injured, almost dying, and having my vacation canceled (plus Kitty is still missing), I ended up silently crying in the backseat, thinking about how we’re not even a family more since there’s only two of us left in this house. So yeah, emotional as fuck. Now I’m just so sad that we don’t even get a vacation. PLUS, my ankle is swollen and horribly painful, and my shoulders are so sore from that bag. This was probably the most physically exhausting thing I’ve ever done, and I somehow survived. You may think I’m exaggerating, but I was literally three inches from death. So this is how I’ve spent the last day and a half of my life.

Thanks. A lot. You don’t think I’m already upset that the damn cat is missing? Now you have to say it’s my fault and that I pretty much killed her myself? It’s not like you give a damn about her. You’re the one that ditched her in the first place. So thanks, but fuck you.

God, I feel like shit. Oh so very guilty.